My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
