HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
