Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
