i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
