I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
