dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
