Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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