farters have to be the big spoon...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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