Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
