I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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