He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
