So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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