$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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