a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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