are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
