doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
