Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
