I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
