i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
