Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
