I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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