Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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