dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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