You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
