I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
