I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
