The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
