I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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