i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
