i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
