there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
