? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
