My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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