That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
