So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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