Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
