i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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