i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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