2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Randomize
