What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
