This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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