community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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