there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
