i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
