The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do vagina's smell?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
