Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
