At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
