Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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