i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
