you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
